Lose My Number

JENNIFER HUDSON "I Remember Me" CD Review - The Boston Herald, 3/25/11

2011-03-28T13:24:00.000-04:00

“American Idol” finalist Jennifer Hudson has achieved post-“Idol” success as both actress and pop star, overcoming unimaginable tragedy after the murder of her mother, brother and nephew in 2008. But her sophomore album nearly screams that the r&b soul singer is struggling to nail her musical niche...continued.

KE$HA "I Am The Dance Commander + I Command You To Dance" CD review - The Boston Herald, 3/25/11

2011-03-28T13:22:00.000-04:00

Welcome to your new cardio soundtrack. It’s hard to resist Ke$ha’s directive on this collection of remixed tracks from “Animal” and “Animal + Cannibal” along with the previously unreleased track “(Expletive) Him He’s a DJ.”

America’s resident sleaze pop princess takes her most popular songs and teams up with DJs who weave in new textures and layers of sound...continued.

CHRIS BROWN "F.A.M.E." CD Review - The Boston Herald, 3/25/2011

2011-03-28T13:18:00.000-04:00

Chris Brown may need assistance with extracurricular damage control — or better yet, damage prevention — but his musical talent and adaptable style seldom falter.

His fourth album (which could stand for “Fans Are My Everything” or “Forgiving All My Enemies,” depending on your preference) is a hard-to-categorize collection that finds the 21-year-old equally comfortable collaborating with teen pop idol Justin Bieber and gutter rap icon Lil Wayne...continued.

WIZ KHALIFA "Rolling Papers" CD Review - The Boston Herald 3/25/11

2011-03-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

Wildly popular upstart Wiz Khalifa is the latest rapper with a buzz-and-bravado front that heavily outweighs his actual skills.

His third album and major label debut is a tedious foray into the lifestyles of the rich and famous — something done far better by either Drake or Kanye West — full of unimaginative rhymes about champagne, weed and womanizing...continued.

Solo project won’t disrupt Travie McCoy’s Gym Class - Boston Herald

2011-03-23T01:12:00.000-04:00

March 20, 2011

Gym Class Heroes frontman Travis “Travie” McCoy is hesitant to use the term “going solo.”

He prefers to call his debut solo album, last July’s “Lazarus” — unofficially the “fourth or fifth” album he’s put out on his own — a side project, while the band remains his primary focus...continued.

Gucci Mane & Waka Prep Ferrari Boys Album | XXLMAG.COM

2011-03-23T01:07:00.000-04:00

Southern hip-hop fans can rejoice: Atlanta rap stars Gucci Mane and Waka Flocka Flame are set to release a joint album this spring...continued.

Lil Wayne back badder, better

2011-03-17T15:15:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 17, 2011

Do self-proclaimed greatest rappers alive get rusty? Not so much.

Superstar rapper and recent Rikers Island inmate Lil Wayne kicked off his “I’m Still Music” tour in Providence last night, stepping onstage for the first time since serving eight months for felony gun charges.

“I swear to God, I was in a place a few months ago I couldn’t even imagine this (expletive),” Wayne croaked at the sold-out Dunkin’ Donuts Center. “But now that I’m here, it’s better than I could have ever imagined.”

Wayne has never been one to coast through a set, but he seemed supremely focused on this occasion. Sunglasses on and hat to the back, he spent the night unloading rapid-fire lyrics like a competitor in a rap-off, sometimes turning his back to the crowd and seeming to rap in his own world. A shirtless rendition of “6 Foot 7 Foot” to close the show near midnight left Wayne — and the concertgoers — breathless...continued.

Lil Wayne and Charlie Sheen are soul mates

2011-03-17T15:13:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 16, 2011

Charlie Sheen’s antics have plastered him across network TV and made him the subject of water cooler and social networking chitchat everywhere. But something about the overnight Twitter star (follow him at @CharlieSheen) and one-time “Two and a Half Men” actor seems eerily reminiscent of — yes — rap star Lil Wayne.

The two resident outrageous personalities have a knack for incredibly entertaining sound bites and bizarre lifestyle choices that simultaneously amuse and engender feelings of concern for their welfare.

Sheen may not sport dreadlocks and teardrop tattoos on his cheek — yet — but a careful analysis of the two celebs suggests they may be long lost brothers from another mother...continued.

Fans show Janet Jackson: Miss You Much

2011-03-17T15:12:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 16, 2011

Just call it a reunion of sorts: Class of Rhythm Nation 1814.

Janet Jackson’s show at the sold-out Wang Theatre last night didn’t really feel like a run-of-the-mill concert.

It was more like reconnecting with the best friend you haven’t seen in years, or sipping a glass of wine and slipping on a pair of pajamas — sexy pajamas, of course — after a stressful day. Except with a lot of lights, wardrobe changes, backup dancers and an eight- piece band going full-force.

Jackson’s 105-minute set as part of her “Number Ones: Up Close and Personal Tour” was a raucous affair that had grown men shrieking and singing like they were teen girls at a Justin Bieber concert, with a staggering lineup of hits such as “Miss You Much” and “Nasty” that likely served as the coming-of-age soundtrack for most in attendance...continued.

XXL Magazine article

2011-03-17T15:10:00.000-04:00

My article about RBC Records was published on page 30 of the Freshmen issue of XXL, April 2011:

Rhythm Nation 2011

2011-03-17T14:57:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 15, 2011

Janet Jackson has limited experience with downtime. She’s juggled acting and music careers, served as both a sex symbol and social reform advocate, and weathered highly publicized storms, including the infamous Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction in 2004 and the death of her older brother, global music icon Michael Jackson, in 2009. Though the 44-year-old superstar declined to discuss her brother’s passing, she chatted with us by e-mail about her new tour, which stops at the Citi Wang Theatre tonight...continued.

MIRANDA COSGROVE "High Maintenance" CD Review

2011-03-17T14:56:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 14, 2011

On this five-song EP, 17-year-old “iCarly” star Miranda Cosgrove positions herself somewhere between a less-moody Avril Lavigne (who co-wrote lead single “Dancing Crazy”) and a Ke$ha-in-training party girl...continued.

Yelawolf brings musical ‘Medicine’

2011-03-17T14:55:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 13, 2011

Is Yelawolf the next generation of hip-hop? Sort of.

Don’t expect a cookie-cutter rapper with questionable skills and insert-cliche-here rhymes. The Gadsden, Ala., native represents a revolution within hip-hop bent on returning to rap’s core values.

For every talent-challenged rap caricature who dominates airwaves and dance floors, there are artists like Yelawolf who are building a fan base — perhaps cult-following might be more accurate — without radio support and playing for frenzied fans at smaller venues, as Yelawolf did at the sold-out Paradise on Friday night. Fans privy to Yelawolf’s underground movement belted out the words to virtually every song during the 45-minute set, which packed so much action it felt about twice as long...continued.

LUPE FIASCO "Lasers" CD Review

2011-03-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 11, 2011

The release of Lupe’s long-awaited third album concludes a highly publicized creative tug-of-war with Atlantic Records that forced the Chi-town MC to compromise his vision in favor of pop sensibilities. The final product left the rapper resentful and publicly griping about its release. Fans need not worry...continued.

Reks keeps it real, relatable

2011-03-17T14:51:00.000-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 11, 2011

Lawrence-bred Reks isn’t a fake thug, a wannabe superstar with a fabricated past, or a mogul pushing a clothing line and a brand of vodka. He’s just a pure MC in a genre where pure MCs are an endangered species.

The 33-year-old rapper spent his first two albums establishing his lyrical prowess. Point taken. On his third album, “R.E.K.S.” (for Rhythmatic Eternal King Supreme) — out last Tuesday; the record release party is at the Middle East tomorrow — he laces the wordplay with more personal tales...continued.

AVRIL LAVIGNE "Goodbye Lullaby" CD Review

2011-03-17T14:49:00.001-04:00

The Boston Herald - March 9, 2011

The love is gone — and so is the sass, for the most part, anyway. Freshly divorced from Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley, 26-year-old Lavigne fills her fourth album with sturdily crafted but ultimately droopy ballads. The honesty feels familiar, but the scaled-back, subdued approach seems like the work of an adult contemporary queen with a broken heart, not a pop-punk princess with an attitude...continued.

Hub rapper gunned down

2011-03-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - March 3, 2011

A 29-year-old rising Roxbury rap artist was killed, and another man wounded early yesterday in a Theater District shooting that sent shock waves through the Boston hip-hop community.

Jamie Lee, a.k.a. Roc Dukati, and a 24-year-old man whose name was not released were gunned down after a fight broke at about 2 a.m. yesterday on Tremont Street among several men who had been attending a record release party, family members and authorities said.

“We lost a family member,” said JAM’N 94.5 FM DJ Hustle Simmons. “Whether you’re tight with him or not, if you’re involved in the Boston hip-hop scene, we all lost a family member. He’s part of the team"...continued.

Bon Jovi rocks just hard enough for Hub

2011-03-04T14:52:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - March 2, 2011

Persistence pays off, and Bon Jovi is proof.

The New Jersey rock outfit’s success is largely due to dogged perseverance, a reliable collection of mega-hits and middle-of-the-road rock that offends absolutely no one. Even if you don’t particularly like Bon Jovi, it’s hard to hate them. Love, on the other hand, is something the band gets plenty of, mostly from middle-aged women reliving their teenage years and suburban men who find the unobtrusive, marginally tough rock appealing.

Yes, there are bands with better songs and more stunning live delivery. But those bands don’t sell out arenas on their umpteenth tour almost 30 years into their career, as Bon Jovi did at TD Garden last night.

It didn't matter that...continued.

GINUWINE "Elgin" CD Review

2011-03-04T14:50:00.000-05:00

Boston Herald - Feb. 25, 2011

Former Timbaland sidekick and ’90s r&b king Ginuwine has toned things down in middle age. Don’t expect anything close to the provocative burps of “Pony” or even the futuristic lite-funk of “Keep It Real.” The majority of the 40-year-old’s seventh album is smoothed-out adult contemporary fare that ranges from steamy to snoozy, and when he does pick up the pace on the album’s two up-tempo tracks, ill-advised metaphors abound...continued.

Miranda Cosgrove hits some bum notes but that’s OK

2011-02-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - Feb. 12, 2011

Anyone looking for the Miranda Cosgrove concert Thursday merely had to follow the posse of young girls and their chaperones marching through downtown Lowell.

The age breakdown of the “iCarly” star’s admirers — from thigh-high youngsters to tweens — suggests what her live show proves: Cosgrove is a parent-friendly pop sensation, still squeaky clean enough for kids fresh out of kindergarten, but not quite edgy enough for the teen set.

Like Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Emily Osment before her, Cosgrove has parlayed a successful acting career into a stint as a pop star...continued.

Hub shows songbird Robyn love

2011-02-07T17:37:00.000-05:00

Boston Herald - Feb. 6, 2011

Some people only know Robyn as “that girl who sang ‘Show Me Love’ ” in the late ’90s. And for those people we should feel pity.

The Swedish songstress may have spent her teenage years churning out middle-of-the-road pop hits, but since falling off the mainstream radar, she’s found a far more exciting niche.

Her sold-out, sweaty set at the House of Blues on Friday night put her pulse-pounding brand of indie synth-pop front and center. As she did last July while on tour, the pint-sized star brought powerhouse vocals and an arsenal of dance moves that would make Richard Simmons tired, with a set list best suited for the volume and intensity that only a live show can offer...continued.

RICKY MARTIN: "Musica+ Alma + Sexo"

2011-02-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - Feb. 4, 2011

How do you say “thoroughly uninspiring” in Spanish? Martin’s ninth studio album (a bilingual effort whose English translation reads “Music + Soul + Sex”) falls short in all three departments. While many bilingual albums communicate to the listener even when half the words are a mystery, this one abounds with limp ballads and cheesy dance tracks...continued.

Bobby Brown doing it his ‘Way’

2011-02-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - Feb. 3, 2011

Call it a comeback. Or something. New Edition member-turned-solo-artist-turned-reality-TV-star Brown is back to claim his place in r&b, and he’s not taking no for an answer. It’s been almost 14 years since the Boston-born Brown released his last studio album, but time spent off the charts and in the tabloids apparently hasn’t bruised his ego. The lead single off his forth-coming, as-yet-untitled album is an aggressive, workout-mix-ready manifesto about falling out of favor and fighting back...continued.

Snoop: Hip-hop’s most Dogged rapper

2011-02-01T16:30:00.000-05:00

The Boston Herald - Jan. 30, 2011

Hip-hop is a culture dominated by ill-advised trends and short-lived careers, but some things never go out of style. Snoop Dogg seems to be one of them.

The G-funk era may have passed, but Snoop-as-rap-superstar resurrected his laid-back, decadent West Coast sound for a respectably populated Tsongas Arena at the University of Massachusetts at Lowell on Friday night.

The fact that a 39-year-old rapper who came up when pagers were in vogue can still command the respect of co-eds knee-deep in smartphones and social-networking is impressive...continued.

REVIEW: The Roots flawless in Foxboro - The Sun Chronicle Online - Go

2011-02-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

The Sun Chronicle - Jan. 17, 2011

FOXBORO - The entertainment value was questionable, but the musicianship certainly wasn't.

The Roots - a progressive hip-hop group notorious for their live prowess - staged a two-hour performance at a packed Showcase Live that was both brilliant and lackluster, depending from which angle you consider the show.

In terms of sheer musical performance and technical mastery, Saturday night's show was nearly flawless.

The group has succeeded by being the total antithesis of everything that defines typical rap music, and their live show is no different. Where standard rap sets are a mess of gaudy jewelry and poor wardrobe choices, hype men and pre-recorded backing tracks that do more work than the actual rapper, The Roots simply flip the script...continued.

CARTER: No lighting up in apartments? This smoker says yes - The Sun Chronicle Online - Columns

2011-02-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

The Sun Chronicle - Nov. 15, 2010

When a statewide smoking ban in public spaces went into effect in July 2004, the smokers among us likely grumbled and complained at the outset. Gone would be the days of lighting up casually at the bar or having that coveted after-meal cigarette in the restaurant.

But half-hearted objections aside, I think we've all seen the logic in the law.

The selfish desire for a smoke pales in comparison to the health risks posed to others, especially workers forced to inhale secondhand smoke in order to draw a paycheck.

Slipping outside the nightclub to light up on a frosty January night may not be fun, but it's a lot more acceptable than lung cancer.

With that in mind, recent events have caused me to wonder why we haven't instituted a similar smoking ban in apartment buildings designated as non-smoking...continued.

CODY SIMPSON "4U" CD review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:36:00.002-05:00

Jan. 14, 2010

Watch out, Biebs! Simpson’s five-song EP (OK, four songs and an acoustic remix) pits him as the newest entry in the teen pop department, and the one most likely to give current heartthrob Justin Bieber a run for his money. The comparisons are obvious: Both have candy-coated vocals, expert pop/r & b production, magnificent hairstyles and a career that began on YouTube...continued.

KANDI CD review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:35:00.000-05:00

Jan. 7, 2011

Before her starring role on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Kandi Burruss worked as a member of ’90s r & b group Xscape and a songwriter for such groups as Destiny’s Child and TLC. Burruss’ second solo effort - her first since 2000’s “Hey Kandi” - has its occasional off-pitch moments and unnecessary histrionics, but showcases...continued.

LaVette revs up First Night crowd to ‘11 - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

Jan. 2, 2011

Never heard of Bettye LaVette?

You’re not alone.

LaVette’s marginal commercial success is a strange truth made even more puzzling by Friday night’s set at Symphony Hall as part of First Night festivities.

Mention LaVette to moderate soul music fans and they may reply with a blank stare. Put LaVette in front of a live audience and their jaws should collectively drop...continued.

JAMIE FOXX "Best Night of My Life" CD review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:33:00.000-05:00

Dec. 31, 2010

On his fourth album, 43-year-old Foxx unleashes his inner freak like he’s a sex-crazed 21-year-old. As if endless talk of backsides, VIP sections and cameras on the ceiling wasn’t tiresome enough, much of the Auto-Tuned drivel sounds recycled: “Living Better Now” could be a remix to Lloyd Banks’ “Beamer, Benz or Bentley,” while “Winner” is a second run at DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win,” one song that certainly doesn’t need to be copied...continued.

GHOSTFACE KILLAH "Apollo Kids" CD review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:32:00.000-05:00

Dec. 31, 2010

The signature Wu-Tang sound crackles on Ghostface’s ninth solo album, a collection of dusty soul samples and grimy street tales that find Ghost full of himself, focused and his moral code nonexistent. The usual Wu-affiliated suspects - Raekwon, Method Man, Killah Priest and Cappadonna, among others - drop in for guest features, along with Game, Black Thought and Jim Jones on the only slightly disturbing “Handcuffin’ Them Hoes"...continued.

KEYSHIA COLE "Calling All Hearts" CD revew - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:31:00.000-05:00

Dec. 24, 2010

If 29-year-old Cole is trying to appeal to a middle-aged, adult contemporary r & b market, she’s on the right track. Cole has one of the most distinctive, dynamic voices in the soul spectrum. Too bad she gets mired in drab arrangements that fail to maximize her talents and at times (the well-intended but difficult-to-bear “Better Me”) find her off-key and straining...continued.

DIDDY-DIRTY MONEY "Last Train to Paris" CD Review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

Dec. 24, 2010

Hip-hop mogul Diddy once again proves what we’ve known for years: As a musical architect/executive producer, he’s virtually unmatched, but he really shouldn’t rap. Ever. On this concept album (yes, Diddy made a concept album) he calls in Danity Kane songstress Dawn Richard and singer/songwriter Kalenna as Dirty Money sidekicks to help narrate his desperate attempt to reclaim a lost love. Maximizing his industry connections, he also enlists an all-star cast including...continued.

Lauryn not over the Hill - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:25:00.001-05:00

Dec. 22, 2010

After retreating from the stage and the spotlight for roughly a decade and leaving hip-hop queendom to such suspect rulers as Nicki Minaj, Lauryn Hill is back - or at least on her way.

Hill’s performance Monday at a sold-out Wilbur Theatre was full of questionable choices, but also a testament to her talent and proof that if she ever chooses to reclaim her throne, there truly is no competition.

Hill’s set got a late start that led to fans chanting her name and pondering the possibility of refunds. By the time she strolled onstage just after 11 p.m., two DJs had clearly exhausted their catalog of hip-hop and r & b, and set a record for how many times you can shout “Let’s go!” in a two-hour span...continued.

Usher unleashes monster show - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:24:00.000-05:00

Dec. 22, 2010

Christmas came early for thousands of female fans and their male chaperones at the TD Garden last night.

From the moment a metal platform airlifted r & b icon Usher across the venue during opener “Monstar,” his two-hour show delivered an eye-popping onslaught of slick choreography, pyrotechnics, buttery vocals and flashy outfits ranging from the wasteland chic of “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome” to “Bad”-era Michael Jackson.

Even before the Jackson tribute segment, when Usher donned a pair of glittery boots and imitated the Gloved One’s notorious dance moves, much of the show seemed a nod to Jackson in terms of both style and substance...continued.

Bell Biv DeVoe plays ‘Dope!’ set - The Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:23:00.001-05:00

Dec. 16, 2010

There’s building suspense - and then there’s inducing claustrophobia. Wednesday night’s Bell Biv DeVoe show at a packed Wilbur Theatre did a little of both.

While the crowd waited for Boston’s best-known r & b/hip-hop export to take the stage, no fewer than five acts handled warmup duty, including hip-hop trio the Famous Nobodies and Boston rap legend Edo. G...continued.

Ke$ha "Cannibal" CD Review - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T21:22:00.001-05:00

Nov. 26, 2010

Want to tap into your inner softie? Look elsewhere. “I eat boys up breakfast and lunch/then when I’m thirsty I drink their blood,” Ke$ha chants on the title track of this nine-song companion to her platinum debut “Animal.” “Cannibal” is another exercise in rowdy sleaze pop, a collection of smartly crafted dance-floor ditties dedicated to brazen drunkenness and after-dark disasters...continued.

Dolo does hip threads with hip-hop consciousness - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T20:49:00.001-05:00

Nov. 17, 2010

Mainstream hip-hop is better known these days for glorifying brutality than trying to curb it.
But one local entrepreneur is uniting hip-hop and fashion to send a message rap aficionados from the ’80s and early ’90s will remember: Stop the Violence...continued.

Justin Bieber concert a real scream - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T20:46:00.001-05:00

Nov. 17, 2010

If only the energy that set the TD Garden abuzz last night could be bottled and sold.
Even before perfectly coiffed Canadian phenom Justin Bieber took the stage, the sold-out crowd was busy screaming, giggling and doing the wave. Young girls smiled sweetly and clutched their hands to their chest in the moments leading up to Bieber’s appearance...continued.

Justin Bieber fever! - Boston Herald

2011-01-20T20:45:00.001-05:00

Nov. 17, 2010

Forget Beatlemania. In 2010, it’s all about Biebermania.

The Fab Four may have elicited their share of squeals, shrieks and fainting sessions, but these days true hysteria comes courtesy of the Blowdried One...continued

Gotta love it (T.I. single) - Boston Herald

2010-11-12T13:35:00.001-05:00

Rappers spend so much time posing as invincible superheroes with unlimited access to VIP sections everywhere, it’s almost breathtaking when an MC lets himself appear human. In what amounts to an apology letter to fans and close friends - as well as an inspirational manifesto, incarcerated, released and re-incarcerated rapper T.I. leaves the curvy models and glitzy clubs out of the equation in the video for his new single, “Get Back Up,” which instead shows - gasp - real people immersed in everyday struggles...continued.

BIG TIME RUSH CD review - Boston Herald

2010-11-12T13:30:00.000-05:00

The latest in a long line of TV-pop music crossovers, Big Time Rush are the stars of a Nickelodeon sitcom as well as a boy band. As such, their debut album is a consistently likable - if not terribly inventive - collection of teen-friendly, parent-approved pop/r & b in the vein of the Jonas Brothers, ’N SYNC and Jason Derulo...continued.

On the Perils of Having to Pee

2010-11-12T00:31:00.005-05:00

An oldie but goodie from my ex-blog, Inklounge, circa 2005. Enjoy...

This past weekend I had the good fortune to make my second, and final, visit to a nightclub in Providence that shall remain nameless. My friends and I didn't set out to visit said nightclub. We'd already been there the weekend before, and sworn never to return. Simply put, the DJ sucked.

Sure, the atmosphere was nice, the drinks tasted good going down, we'd met interesting people and even had intellectual conversations. But all of those were appetizers; music is a club's main course, and after what they'd served up the first time, I'd lost my appetite.

So we planned to go to a new restaurant/bar downtown that our boss recommended. Armed with the street address and a set of directions from Mapquest that were nebulous at best, we hit the road.

When we followed the directions faithfully and ended up in Cranston, heading away from Providence, we knew something was wrong. We stopped at a 7-11 and sought help from a clerk who, despite his desire to assist, couldn't do much more than point us back to the general direction of downtown. We got in the car and headed that way, relying on our internal compasses to guide us, tossing our Mapquest directions in the proverbial trash.

We eventually found our way into Providence, and from there, I let my instincts guide me, barking rights and lefts based on gut feelings, hoping to God I was leading us somewhere cloe to the right direction, and that we wouldn't end up in some deserted alleyway half an hour later.

Well, we did end up in an alleyway a half hour later, but it wasn't because we were lost. By the time we had reached downtown Providence, traffic was thick, and I was pretty sure my bladder was going to explode. I had consumed three bottles of Smirnoff Twisted in the past hour, and was quickly approaching total desperation, when, like a mirage, we spotted another 7-11 at a corner.

I saw my chance.

Hopeful that I could use my charm and good manners to convince one of the employees to let me use the employee bathroom, I asked my friend Kristen to drop me off in front of the convenient store. I entered, in so much discomfort I was nearly unable to walk. Unsympathetic to my contorted lower torso and clear desire to urinate on the floor, the owner claimed there was no bathroom I could use, but pointed cheerfully to the hotel across the street, which was sure to have a bathroom in which I could relieve myself.

I looked at the hotel, across a distance that seemed as wide and impassable as the Grand Canyon. Walking there would require way too much movement, and with the traffic at a near standstill, driving there wasn't going to work either. I considered dropping to my knees and begging, then realized I'd probably pee my pants in the process. I politely asked him for directions to our new hangout, got them and left.

"Head back the way we were going before," I moaned as I entered the car. "The street we're looking for is only three blocks away."

But three blocks seemed so far, especially when the cars in front of us were only moving a few feet every 20 seconds. As we inched forward along the crowded street, I saw an alleyway off to my right.

"Pull over right here," I said.

"In front of the alley?"

"Yep, pull over so I can get out."

Before the car came to a stop, I was gone.

"Lauren, what are you---"

I slammed the car door on their questions, but I didn't have to stay to know what they were asking. Yes, it was strange, going to pee in an alleyway. But by that point, it was also my only option, short of soaking my new jeans in excretory fluid.

Walking down the alley, I saw a group of employees from a nearby restaurant at the far end, and had the strong urge to turn around, embarrassed. How could I pee in front of them? Then my better judgment led me on. I knew what the other option was, and it would surely be more embarrassing than mooning a bunch of strangers.

I crouched in front of a dumpster and behind an SUV, which hid me from the employees in the alley and the cars on the main road, respectively, pulled my pants down, did a double take and made sure I wasn't in plain sight of anyone that might be looking, and let go.

It was difficult not to urinate on myself, on my shoes, on my pants.

Let's be honest. It was impossible.

Some two minutes later, after I had taken what I deem to be the longest pee in human history, I discovered that the bottom of my right leg, and my shoes, had been sprayed and splattered. I cursed quickly, then decided it didn't matter. It would dry, and anyway, even if it didn't, no one would know what it was. And even if they did, who cared. They'd be drunk, and would probably pee on themselves at some point during the night.

I got back in the car and admitted to my friends that I'd peed on myself. They assured me that no one would notice and that they had only seen my head, and nothing else, poking out from behind the SUV.

Now that's what friends are for, I thought.

Not long after, we found the street we were looking for, happened upon a parking lot that was reasonably inexpensive, got our gear, got out and started walking. Searching for numbers, we quickly realized we were walking in the wrong direction -- and not only that, but we were probably a couple of miles from our fun new hangout.

Having just escaped from the throes of being lost, we weren't excited about the prospect of spending another half hour getting to our destination. Sure, we could have just walked back to our car, driven there and parked somewhere closer, but there was traffic, and we didn't feel like sitting in it, and we'd already paid to park in that parking lot and didn't feel like paying to park in another one -- mostly because we're all pretty cheap.

And then, right up ahead, was the club we had been to the week before -- lights flashing, beat pulsing, beckoning us to return against our better judgment. We looked at one another, internally weighing the pros and cons of revisiting last weekend's not-so-hotspot. We decided to answer its call.

Not surprisingly, different as we hoped it would be, our experience there was pretty much the same, and we were reminded fairly quickly why we had vowed never to return. But I did take away some valuable lessons from that night, not the least of which I have listed below:

1. If you're a DJ at a club, and people aren't dancing, that means you should stop playing the kind of music you're playing, and play some better music.

2. If you' a DJ at a club, and people are dancing, that means you should keep playing the kind of music you're playing, and not revert back to the kind of music that created the situation we already dealt with in step 1.

3. If you're a DJ at a club that plays hip-hop, and you don't have the current No. 1 hip-hop song in the country in your collection, just stay home. Don't even bother showing up for work. I'd rather hear silence for three hours than the words "I don't have that song" when I ask you to play the "Lean Back" remix.

4. If you're a guy at a club, and you have to ask a girl for her number 17 times, chances are she doesn't want to give it to you. And if that same girl does give you a phone number afer the 17th time you've asked, chances are it's not hers. So ask once, and if you're really persistent, maybe you can ask twice, and if she seems to be playing hard to get, maybe you can ask three times, and if she's still not interested, save yourself the monotone robot tell you "this number is no longer in service" and just stop asking.

5. Just because you know all the words to the song they're playing doesn't mean you should scream them into your dancing partner's ear. Beyond the obvious problem of permanent hearing loss, it's just not that pleasant.

6. When you're spilling more beer on your dancing partner than you're drinking, it's time to do one of two things: 1) put the beer down or 2) stop dancing.

7. Reason #37 why I don't like listening to techno music at clubs: techno music seems to be a magnet for goofy, uncoordinated people that really don't know how to dance, and instead flail their arms, torsos and hair around in strange, whipping motions as a substitute for rhythm.

8. If you're fat, and you're dancing, watch yourself. Space is already at a premium at a club, and since you're taking up more of it, be conscious of your movements. That means, try to notice when you're stepping on people, using your ass as a battering ram, or punching strangers in the back.

9. And lastly, if you're like me, and you love hip-hop, and that's all you want to hear at a club, not techno, not house, not trance, not progressive, not progressive house, not progressive trance, not trance house, not house trance, not progressive house trance, not trance house progressive, not reggae, not calypso, not soca, not dance hall, not dance party, not top 40, just straight up hip-hop, take my advice, make life a lot easier for yourself, and just go to a hip-hop club.

Of course, while I'm talking about peeing in alleyways and going to third-rate clubs you swore you'd never step foot in again, I'm not talking about any of these things at all. What I'm really talking about is settling.

It's true that desperate times call for desperate measures, and sometimes you take what you can get, because there just doesn't seem to be a better option. And sometimes there isn't. But when you complain because you've got pee on your pant legs, or the guy who's freaking you spills beer on your new shirt while you're dancing to a song you don't even like, just remember that these are the kinds of things that happen when you know what you really want, and still you settle for something else.

Fans warm up to cool, detached One EskimO - Boston Herald

2010-11-11T19:47:00.000-05:00

London-based foursome One EskimO is somewhere in the space between obscure and mainstream.

With an opening slot for Tori Amos last year, an appearance on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and a hit in single “Kandi,” they’re beginning to move toward the latter. Let’s hope they never make it all the way there.

The band’s 70-minute set at T.T. the Bear’s Place Wednesday night was delightfully un-regular, drawing a solid crowd comprised partly of age 40-plus aficionados who turned out for a show that didn’t begin until after 11 p.m...continued.

THE BLACK EYED PEAS single review - Boston Herald

2010-11-11T19:43:00.003-05:00

"The Time (Dirty Bit)"

In keeping with their relentlessly festive, futuristic bent, the Peas’ new single - off their forthcoming album “The Beginning,” due in stores Nov. 30 - is a pulsating electro-house instruction manual for partying at the club. There’s also a twist that should alternately delight and enrage ’80s babies: Fergie and will.i.am robo re-create the chorus from the “Dirty Dancing” smash hit “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” on the hook...continued.

Dave Matthews makes Garden crowd ‘feel good’ - Boston Herald

2010-11-10T16:57:00.003-05:00

As the Dave Matthews Band sauntered on the TD Garden stage last night, the thunderous, borderline-maniacal crowd response said as much about the band as the three-hour show that was to follow.

It was a response befitting not so much a group of musicians, but a collection of personal heroes. Audience members - an outdoorsy mix of college students and responsible adults who wish they were still in college - bowed to the band almost as deities.

If you’re into rock music, the admiration is understandable. With DMB, there are no frills and no gimmicks...continued.

‘Peace’ corps - Boston Herald

2010-11-10T16:49:00.003-05:00

Think the Boston music scene is plagued by divisiveness and separation?

Twenty artists are flipping the script on local drama with the collaborative peace record “The Best I Got (Boston Master Peace),” written by Team 220 Records’ Ernest “Big CEO Red” Taylor and co-sponsored by Peace Boston.

After writing the track, Taylor picked an all-star team of artists representing different camps and styles to deliver the message. The talent roster includes rappers Akrobatik, Frankie Wainwright, Mann Terror and Lou Armstrong along with crooners Cyrus Deshield, Benjamin Carew, Letia Larok, Chanel (also known as Miss5678), Suge Avery, Lisa Bello, Louie Bello and r & b foursome Ahmir...continued.

You seemed nice in the club but...

2010-11-10T12:09:00.000-05:00

....when you talked about "sharing rent" during our second Blackberry Messenger conversation, I started having second thoughts. I can look past the fact that you wear sunglasses in the dark, but contemplating cohabitation before we've had an actual date might be a deal breaker.

^^As you can see, I don't feel like paying for photos. And also, that dude is kind of hot.